the centrifuge


image courtesy of Szilvia Zarda

“Imagine trying to live your life while some unknown spirit thrusts you repeatedly into and out of a centrifuge. The centrifuge never stops spinning. Instead, it vacillates between super-rapid spinning and somewhat sluggish spinning. You never know and can never predict the speed of the centrifuge. But still, you must pass through it at the whim of this evil spirit ~ enter … exit … enter.

The G forces weigh you down. And the volatility of an unknown renders you inert to the vibrant activity of life going on around you. Slowly, gradually, bits of you get sheared away ~ eroded by the chaos of existing in a centrifuge. The centrifuge sucks you in and spits you out, at random. And you feel eroded … you begin to feel like nothing. You lose yourself in all that spinning. Slow down. Dance faster. Can you imagine? That’s what it feels like, living with and through Bipolar Disorder.”

~ written in my journal in March, 2009 after a particularly horrid raging manic episode which lasted a few hours.


About vacantgurl

i sometimes work in my pyjamas, bite ice cream and ride polar bears. okay, maybe not that last thing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: